Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Sorry for the attention grabbing title.

This post isn’t going to be as interesting as the title suggests, but why not read on anyway? Go on, treat yourself…

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or just not been watching the ad breaks during Loose Women, you will probably already have some idea of what this post is going to be about.

I like to think that I’m quite relaxed when it comes to political correctness. I’m not a prude, and have never found myself on the aggressive side of a protest – or the peaceful side to be honest! But I was quite taken back upon first witnessing the new Argos Christmas advert:

I can’t help but find it an odd script choice to make the female alien demonstrate some kind of sexual appetite for Justin Bieber. No, it’s not the end of the world and there certainly shouldn’t be any witch hunts over it. After all, he is very bloody pretty isn’t he? I just think it’s a misplaced sentiment; it’s not a funny line, and certainly sits uncomfortably when you hear it, especially in light of it being a family Christmas advert. And imagine if it was the male alien saying “Mmm Selena Gomez…” – I don’t think it would even have made it to our television screens. Double standards much?

Perhaps it’s all a terribly clever marketing ploy to make a pretty shit advert more memorable. After all, I’ve blogged about it for that very reason but I’m still going to do my last minute shopping there. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless cynic…

… Or are they already here?

It seems that the Christmas festivities come out to play earlier and earlier every year. Now, I’m no Scrooge (unless you mean McDuck, he was king!) but is it just me that finds it a little ridiculous that I can be sipping mulled wine whilst listening to ‘Jingle Bells’ just after bloody bonfire night!? Surely we have still a couple of weeks of bastard teenagers setting off fireworks in the middle of the day before I have to rush out and pick up my Londis wrapping paper?

As a hapless consumerist I’m all for celebrating Christmas, but there has to be a cut off point. Advent calendars start on December 1st for a reason – and it’s not because if they started on November 1st they would be the size of a door! That gives me an idea though…. How great would it be if we had to open actual size doors on an advent calendar?  Admittedly, it would mean that every calendar would have be set in a block of flats. But imagine the Big Ben sized chocolate bell hidden behind it! Mmm chocolate bell. Sorry, let’s move away from that Wonka-style digression.

I’m totally willing to get in the Christmas spirit, when it hits December. For now, I’m going to watch Scream again, set off some catherine wheels and eat a massive dinner whilst pretending that I’m related to American pioneers.

Merry Christmas? Bah humbug. Until next Thursday.

Baa Humbug.. Geddit??

Originally written December 4th 2010 – Published in Roar! Newspaper

With Halloween waving us goodbye and Coke adverts pervading our televisions, clearly it’s that time of year again. Holidays are coming! So, in the spirit of giving, here is a collection of Christmas musical gold (frankincense and myrrh) to include in your festive playlists – and some tracks you must avoid at all costs! Glad tidings we bring…

TOP 5

Clearly straight...

Wham! – Last Christmas. Is there anything more Christmassy than a young George Michael denying his latent homosexuality? It’s soppy, ever so slightly magical, and undoubtedly many people’s Christmas guilty pleasure. Slow-dancing shoes and mistletoe at the ready…

Skindred – Jungle Bells. With their ragga-metal stylings, Benji and the boys deliver once again with a seasonal song that is sure to get your feet moving and your dreads flailing like a Jamaican Santa.

Jackson 5 – Santa Claus is coming to town.  Despite the controversial media portrayals of Michael Jackson leading up to his death, Jacko remains one of the world’s biggest pop stars. Here’s a chirpy hit from early in his musical career.

Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel with dreidel I will play

Radiohead – Winter Wonderland. Radiohead, the kings of British angst, covering a sparkly Christmas number…?! You better believe it. This rare 2002 cover of the Crimbo classic is definitely one for the history books.

Dreidel Song, South Park. ‘Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I shall play’ – classic Jewish philosophy. This catchy Hanukkah ditty might not be as instantaneously memorable as talking Christmas poo, but it’s still a welcome addition to our December playlist.

FLOP 5

Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas. Back in ’84, celebs banded together to produce one of the most patronising charity songs ever released. Unfortunately, Bono’s questionable line ‘Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you’ managed to single-handedly undercut the charitable sentiment.

It was a white Christmas that year

The New Kids on the Block – Have a Funky Funky Christmas. With worse rapping than Vanilla Ice in Ninja Turtles 2, this ’80s crimbo tragedy is best forgotten. The song couldn’t be any less funky if it tried – James Brown would be turning in his grave.

From First to Last – Christmassacre. Avoid this try-hard alternative tripe (with ‘inspirational’ lines like “Don’t forget your Christmas cheer coz Santa’s going to die this year.”) at all costs. Having said that, the song did supply Pete Wentz’s phone number, initiating perhaps the biggest mass prank-calling in history. Every cloud, eh?

Watch out - the Hoff's about!

Cliff Richard – Mistletoe and Wine. You must watch the video to fully appreciate this cringe-worthy Christmas horror. Mr Richard starts by peering into the window of an unsuspecting child – not creepy at all Cliff – then delivers perhaps the cheesiest pop song you’ve ever heard.

David Hasselhoff – Twas the Night Before Christmas. The most memorable Christmas story ever told, eternally damaged by Baywatch’s tiny-shorts-laden hero. Is it any wonder his best friend was a car? If for some reason you’re taken with the Hoff’s rendition, check out ‘Stille Nacht’, his unintentionally hilarious Christmas tribute to the Germans that adore him so much.